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Getting that Fortunate feeling

How to Feel More Joy Every Day

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Joy is one of the seven core emotions on the "Change Triangle." Joy, like all core emotions, has a particular feeling in the body, although that feeling varies from person to person. Often I ask my patients to slow down to scan their body for feelings of joy, even little "molecules" of joy otherwise obscured by the more attention-grabbing negative emotions.
When we find joy inside, we notice sensations like warmth, energy, and peace. It feels amazing to stay with and savor the physical sensations of joy. But it does take practice!
Researcher Barbara Frederickson, Ph.D., studies positive emotions like joy. She developed the "broaden-and-build theory." In short, her research suggests that promoting and sustaining joyful states is important nourishment for the brain.

The broaden-and-build theory explains that:

  • The capacity to experience joy is ever-present. Your joy might be deeply buried to protect you from being disappointed or wounded, but it is still there.
  • Joy has a special ability to broaden our mind's perspective, as opposed to constricting it, which happens during the negative emotional states of anxiety and depression. In other words, joy may have an exponentially positive effect on one's future thoughts and behaviors.
  • Joy makes us want to play, expand our curiosity, and connect with others.
  • Joy lessens the time spent in negative mood states and helps us physiologically recover from negative states more rapidly.
  • Through deeply felt experiences of joy, people increase their creativity, knowledge, and resilience.
The bottom line: Joy increases our health and social capacity.
In Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), we "privilege the positive." Whereas many psychotherapists and psychotherapy methods focus on what is wrong with a person, AEDP focuses on what is right and potentially transformative. We affirm and draw out what is healthy in a person, using moments of expansion to jumpstart further transformation.

A clinical example

Carole, who came to me very depressed, experienced little joy in her life. In our sessions, I set out to become a "joy detective." I looked for any signs of joy: any upturned mouth indicating a muted smile, a split-second of light in her eyes, energy in her body, or any narrative where joy might be found.
One day, I cracked a joke. And there it was: a little laugh. Seeing her laugh made me laugh. I noticed and seized the moment right there and then:
"Carole, it makes me smile to see you laugh. Can we make space for this moment? What do you feel inside your body as you smile and laugh with me?" I asked.

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